038. Stellan needs you, right now.

If you are reading this, STOP.

STOP READING RIGHT NOW.

START PRAYING FOR STELLAN.

His little body can’t wait until Tuesday for the ablation, so he is going to have it ASAP, at least first thing in the morning if not sooner.

So, if you haven’t already done so, please stop reading for just a minute and tell God how much this little boy needs Him to act and act fast.

I can wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See?  I’m really good at waiting.

Now stop and pray like I asked you to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, I’ll trust that you’ve prayed.

Remember, you can follow MckMama on her Twitter profile for more frequent updates.  And her husband is flying to Boston to join them tomorrow, so it couldn’t hurt to pray for that, too.

Thanks, you guys.  I know I can count on you.  Stellan can count on you.

037. I wish I could tell you to your face…

…how absolutely full of crap you are.

At this point, I am fully prepared to never let you see my son again.  You have visited all of ONE time since his birth, which was almost a year ago.  You are MORE than equipped financially to be a part of his life – and no, I don’t mean $10 here and there in holiday cards and random Harding t-shirts.  I mean PHYSICAL PRESENCE.  I mean GETTING YOUR BUTTS HERE TO LET MY SON SEE YOUR FACE AND GET TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Do you remember those pictures you invited yourselves to be part of when they weren’t scheduled for you?  We aren’t ordering any of them that include you.  I refuse to waste money on pictures of people with my son who don’t even care enough about him to be an active part of his life.  Stop this fake niceness and obligatory card-sending – we don’t want it.

And, and I am LOVING this article about you in the Harding publication – about the millions of dollars that you left for a chair in the bible department.  What a joke.  I especially love this little quote:

…donors can take an active role in their giving and choose to support specific causes that are close to their heart.

So I suppose that means that your grandchildren are no longer close to your heart?  My husband and his sister are not longer close to your heart?  Because they have thousands of dollars of college debt that they had to take out because YOU TOOK AWAY THE COLLEGE MONEY YOU PROMISED TO THEM AT BIRTH and told their parents NOT to save up.  And guess what?  HARDING KNOWS THAT ABOUT YOU.  Harding knows that your grandchildren are up to their eyeballs in debt while you sit back in your fancy suits and leave your millions to their school without a glance in their direction.

If they are not close to your heart – if my husband is not close to your heart – you are no longer close to mine.

As soon as he is prepared to do so, I will fully support him in severing all ties that we have with you.  We don’t want your money.  We don’t want your free passes to Disneyworld.  We don’t want your stupid 1950s stick figure book about why men are biblically superior to women – our son won’t be privy to that garbage.

Take your millions and leave them to Harding or shove them down each other’s throats or whatever you want to do with them – but never drag my family into your crap ever again.  And if you ever – EVER – dare to use my son in some twisted way to get what you want, you are going to come face to face with the angriest, most protective Mama Bear you have ever seen.  I dare you.

036. Pray for Stellan

Stellan is once again in the hospital for severe bouts of SVT.  Please hit your knees and keep him lifted up today.  Tomorrow is his first birthday.  It would be a grand thing if he could be home, and not in the PICU, to celebrate with his family.

Check MckMama’s website for updates, and for quicker and more periodic updates from the hospital, follow her Twitter.

035. It’s not fair.

(And I know that we were never promised fairness in life, so don’t even go there.)

I have a really, really, really cute little boy.  He is healthy.  He is growing like he should.  He has a good appetite.  He has a strong heart.  He has smooth, soft skin.  He has a hearty laugh.  He has ten fingers and ten toes.  He has a head full of fluffy hair.  He has these melt-your-heart blue eyes.  He has six sharp but sparkling white little teeth.  He has fat baby knees that wrinkle when he straightens his legs.

My fellow mom-blogger MckMama’s little boy has a major heart defect, supraventricular tachycardia.

My friend Domonique’s little boy has a major heart defect, tetralogy of fallot.

My friend Tisha had twin boys in April, and one of them died as a result of a major heart defect, trisomy 18.

My friend Patrice lost her first little boy to and her son now is suffering from a major skin disease, epidermolysis bullosa.

My friend Vanessa miscarried her little girl in 2007 before having her sweet little boy in February.

My friend Lyz just suffered her third miscarriage six days ago – the same day designated for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness (how’s that for cruel irony?).

And I know I probably have many, many more friends who have miscarried or lost their children or have had children with inexplicable heath issues.

And do you know what?

It’s not fair.

I am undoubtedly thankful for the health of my son.  But I am equally angry that his health (and at times, his life) sometimes seems to be the exception rather than the norm.

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: 

 A right time for birth and another for death, 
 A right time to plant and another to reap, 
 A right time to kill and another to heal, 
 A right time to destroy and another to construct, 
 A right time to cry and another to laugh, 
 A right time to lament and another to cheer, 
 A right time to make love and another to abstain, 
 A right time to embrace and another to part, 
 A right time to search and another to count your losses, 
 A right time to hold on and another to let go, 
 A right time to rip out and another to mend, 
 A right time to shut up and another to speak up, 
 A right time to love and another to hate, 
 A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

I would like to respectfully disagree.

When is there a right time for death when there was no time for birth first?

When is there a right time to laugh when there is nothing funny whatsoever about the situation?

When is there a right time to be cheerful when your child is sick, dying, dead, or never had the chance to fully live in the first place?

When is there a right time for a mother to let go of her child?

(And before you follow that urge to comment with words of comfort – I know.  I know that all things have their time; that death happens; that death happens to children; that humor and laughter can help ease wounds; that one can find cheer in any bit of life that any child has, even inside the womb; that a mother can let go of her child and send it into the arms of God – I know.  But that doesn’t make life any happier or easier or brighter or fairer at the time.  So keep those comments to yourself.  Consider this my time to lament.)

I just think that life is shitty sometimes.  And I’m sorry if you’re offended by my choice of adjective, but let’s face it – when a mom loses her child, it sucks.  And that doesn’t even begin to cover it.  I think I’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the fact that, in the midst of my hyperemesis, I wished that I wasn’t pregnant, when I had friends who would give anything in the world to have a crying baby wake them up to nurse and be rocked in the middle of the night.  And I hate that a lot of my appreciation for my son’s health comes from the fact that so many of my friends’ children don’t have it.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore.  I just know that a lot of really amazing people in my life have been dealt a horrendous hand, and it’s just not fair.  Am I thankful for my friends’ sick children?  You bet I am.  I am so thankful that they have a child to hold and feed and wake up to and love on, because I have friends who would give anything to have that sick child.  I am thankful for every child that has been given the chance to breathe and live and be loved.  But that, in turns, makes me even more angry at all the children that haven’t had that chance.

What makes me the angriest?

God could fix it.

Sure, He gave us free will.  Sure, He lets life take its course.  Sure, He answers prayers.

So why can’t He just get down here and straight-up fix things once in a while???

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; 
      you formed me in my mother’s womb. 
   I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! 
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made! 
      I worship in adoration—what a creation! 
   You know me inside and out, 
      you know every bone in my body; 
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, 
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; 
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you, 
   The days of my life all prepared 
      before I’d even lived one day. 

So, what’s the deal, God?  Did some kids just not rank high enough in Your book to have even that one day to live?  Please, help me understand.  Because it’s really hard to accept that a merciful God would let his masterpiece of creation endure such heartache.

034. Not Me! Monday

[Since it's so totally fitting, I'm going to steal MckMama's intro for today's NM!M post ]

Are you feeling guilty for screeching like a bat at your children when they spilled their milk on the carpet? Hope that no one saw you sip an adult beverage during the middle of the afternoon? Overcome with embarrassment when your milk let down at Target after you’d forgotten nursing pads? Well don’t be! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I’d rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing! 

Oh, my dear blog readers… it certainly has not been one of “those” weeks!

I did not forget that I’d already picked up a Friday morning shift at the gym and did not pick up a Friday evening shift on top of it!  And when my co-worker found out and offered to take the morning, even though it was her single-day fall break, I most certainly did not take her up on it – there’s no way that I’d that inconsiderate!

I was not a lazy bum this week, despite the fact that I actually made it to Core Crunch and Zumba – nope, I sure as heck did not go straight to Sonic for a sodium-infused chicken wrap after my Wednesday workout!  I am not that lazy about making my own food after an hour-and-a-half workout!

And on top of all that, I did not wait until the night before I was hosting a Pampered Chef bridal shower for a friend (for whom I am matron of honor, no less) to get the house spick-and-span – not me!  I never procrastinate like that!  I did not let Chris and Casey go to bed without me and stay up until after midnight sweeping and scrubbing and folding laundry.  I most certainly was not still cutting out registry items for gift cards the day of the shower when people started showing up, including the bride and her future mom-in-law.  Not me!  I am far too organized and on top of things for that!

Oh, and I’m certainly not ignoring Casey, who just woke up from his nap, to finish this blog post – nope, I am  SuperMom who runs straight to his room at the first cry, right?  Right!

Want to join in on the Not Me! Monday fun?  Click on the logo at the top of this post (or on the right sidebar of my blog) and head over to MckMama’s for further instructions!

033. What I can’t say on Facebook…

…I can say here. That’s what a personal blog is for, right? So here goes.

HEY EVERYBODY. LISTEN UP.

SEX IS AWESOME.

SEX MAY VERY WELL BE THE MOST EXCITING THING TWO PEOPLE CAN DO TOGETHER.

IT IS OK TO ENJOY SEX.

GOD MADE IT THAT WAY ON PURPOSE.

IGNORE CHRISTIANS WHO REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT IT, BECAUSE THAT IS STUPID AND A SLAP ON THE FACE TO THE GOD WHO SO THOUGHTFULLY CREATED IT FOR US.

Having said that…

Anyone who has had sex can tell you that it is far more than a physical experience. Sure, it’s a physical union, the epitome of “two become one” in a literal sense.

But there’s so much more than that.

When you have sex, you are sharing your soul, the core of your being, with another person. You are becoming one with that person on a spiritual level. This is far more intense and complex than the casual, physical union that we have come to view sex as.

So, acknowledging that, can you see why it makes sense that it’s intended for you to share with just one person?  Does it makes sense that it might have been intended for you to share your soul, your innermost being, with just one person? Perhaps the person with whom you are sharing your whole life?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not out to condemn people who’ve had lots of sex with lots of people.  That is a very personal choice, and I cannot know someone else well enough to make any sort of accusation based solely on their sex life. That is silly and wrong.

But I do wonder…

Have we (Christians, generically speaking) been so silent about sex that we’ve done more harm than good in encouraging people to wait for that one incredible person?

Because I’ll be honest – when I was 19, I came dangerously close to having sex with someone whom I did not marry.  It was an incredibly unhealthy relationship, and had I shared my soul with him like that, it would have done a large amount of emotional damage to both of us – but especially to me, I can personally say.

I am beyond happy with the man I married. I am even more happy that he is the only person with whom I am sharing my whole life, and with whom I share my soul, the core of my being.  That is something that distinguishes our relationship from every other relationship we have.

So again, I wonder…

As someone who loves God and appreciates the gift that my sexuality is… shouldn’t I be excited about that? Shouldn’t I love my friends enough to encourage them to save their soul-sharing for the person with whom they’ll never regret it?

And shouldn’t we (again, Christians, generically speaking) be shouting from the rooftops about how wonderful sex is?  About how much we enjoy it?  About how we wish life wasn’t so busy so we could have more of it?  Wouldn’t THAT send a much more powerful message?  Imagine – instead of ramming abstinence down everyone’s throats, what if we were open, honest, transparent, about how much better it is if you wait for that relationship?  Instead of making sex out to be dirty and wrong, making it out to be this really freaking amazing gift from God, which it is?  And that that’s why it’s worth waiting a few more years?

What if?

Think about it.

And if this meager blog post doesn’t convince you, give Song of Solomon a read sometime. The Bible is full of sex. GOOD sex, at that!

(Thanks, God. You always know what you’re doing… but when it comes to sex, BOY did you hit the target.  Talk about proof that you exist… who else could create something so amazing?)

(Hey, christians – do the world a favor. Stop bashing one of God’s greatest gifts. Or, in fact, just start talking about it for once. Maybe if the world heard you talk about how great it is, they’d make the connection that it’s even better in the context for which it was created. Couldn’t hurt to try, anyway.)

032. lullabye

Lyrics for safekeeping. What I sing to Casey when he goes to sleep at night.

goodnight, my angel; time to close your eyes, 
and save these questions for another day.
i think i know what you’ve been asking me; 
i think you know what I’ve been trying to say.
i promised i would never leave you, and you should always know…
wherever you may go – no matter where you are -
i never will be far away.

goodnight, my angel; now it’s time to sleep, 
and still so many things i want to say.
remember all the songs you sang for me
when we went sailing on an emerald bay?
and like a boat out on the ocean, i’m rocking you to sleep.
the water’s dark, and deep inside this ancient heart, 
you’ll always be a part of me.

goodnight, my angel; now it’s time to dream, 
and dream how wonderful your life will be.
someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullabye, 
then in your heart, there will always be a part of me.

someday we’ll all be gone, but lullabyes go on and on…
they never die – that’s how you and i will be.

031. Who’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me?

Oh yes, you are interpreting that title correctly…

WE WENT TO DISNEYWORLD!!!

As some of you have known since March, we took a whirlwind trip to Orlando this past weekend as a surprise for Chris’ 25th birthday.  We spent the entire weekend with his amazing circle of friends from high school, some of whom are now engaged, married, or married with kids.  (Let me tell you what – I have been blessed with some incredible friends in my life; marriage simply brought me that many more.)

It’s a bit late for all the details, so I’ll come back to edit this later. In the meantime, here are some snapshot from the weekend of utter bliss and coastal breezes.

(Many thanks to our families and especially our beautiful Florida friend Colure for helping keep this a secret for FIVE months… and for making it happen when the time came!)

Chris opening his new laptop case… greeted by our boarding passes and his birthday pass into the Magic Kingdom!

 

On our plane from Houston to Orlando – first flight with the whole family

 

“Mommy, why is Daddy acting like a kid on Christmas Eve? And does everyone think I’m as cute as you do?” (Yes, Casey, I’m sure they do – especially with the juice cup!)

 

The Mayo men at IKEA (Pawpaw, Casey, Chris)

 

Friday night dinner with most of the gang (Paola, Casey, Jessie, Chris, Seth, Josh, Kevin, Lei, Colure)

 

Casey getting lots of kisses from the Strider-dog… who was apparently very sad when Casey went back home to Arkansas

 

Casey meeting Pluto for the first time; also the first character which he recognized on sight, thanks to many hours of viewing “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”

 

Coming in December to a mailbox near you…

 

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!

 

The look on his face says it all.

 

More to come!

030. Jewelry for breastfeeding moms? Yes, please!

One of my fantastic Twitter mama friends recently posted a contest on her blog – to win a breastfeeding necklace!

Breastfeeding necklace? What the heck is that, Jessie???

Why, I am so glad you asked!

Mommy Necklaces are necklaces designed specifically for moms with easily-distracted breastfeeding kiddos.  If you’re a mom and you’ve ever breastfed for more than a couple of months, I’m sure you’ve had one of those moments – someone new enters the room, a light is turned on, or something else entirely… and your kiddo turns too see what’s going on – without unlatching.  *shudder*  NOT the most pleasant feeling in the world!

Apparently this is a common experience for moms, as one decided to be proactive and do something about this common problem – Nursing Necklaces!  Genius, no?  And they come in loads of varieties and color schemes… check them out!  While you’re at it, be sure to take a look at the Simply Snazzy! design, which is sure to entertain even the most distractable darling infant!

(My personal favorite is the Cherish collection – my wardrobe contains lots of blacks and browns and earthy tones, so this would go with anything I decided to wear!  Although I can’t decide which I like better, the locked donut on flat rock pendant…)

So if you’re a breastfeeding mama who doesn’t want to give up her jewelry and your kid is easily distracted to boot, look no further!

Oh, and the icing on the cake?  Nursing necklaces come with a breakaway closure for those with an extra-strong grip, AND a three-year guarantee - can it get any better than that???

029. Not Me! Monday

 

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

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Last week was NOT completely chaotic for the Fulks family!  Casey did NOT start pulling on his ears, and most certainly did NOT wake up several times during this night, keeping his mama up and worried about her precious little man who did NOT feel overheated and feverish in the slightest!

I did NOT worry enough to call into our pediatrician’s office on Tuesday to see if he could fit Casey in – NOT ME, I’m NOT a paranoid mom, and I did NOT have chronic ear infections when I was a kid that make me concerned now.

Our doctor did NOT tell us that our chunky money of a son weighs 19 pounds and 8 ounces - almost 20 pounds!  He also did NOT diagnose two ear infections in poor little Casey, and he certainly did NOT prescribe some yucky pink liquid amoxicillin that Casey does NOT hate taking.  Nope, NOT our doctor!

The antibiotics did NOT make Casey’s diapers super-smelly-runny-disgusting.  So I, being the green mom that I am, did NOT give up cloth diapers for the duration of this ear infection – NOT ME!  I have NOT been putting Casey’s poor little butt in disposables for almost a week now.  I have NOT been using too many wet wipes, and I definitely have NOT been swatting his hands away because he’s trying to get into his diapers-  NOT my kiddo!

And of course, I did NOT catch Casey’s fever – NOT ME!  I am supermom!  I did NOT run a 101.5 degree fever for 2 days, keeping me in bed like a bum.  I did NOT get so exhausted that I put Casey in his bouncer seat and played DVRed “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” episodes that I controlled from my bedroom because I was too tired to move.

Casey is NOT napping right now, so I am NOT avoiding laundry, dishes, and vacuuming right now by posting this – NOT ME!